He Knows

When I cry out, HE does hear me & HE does respond… My basketball hoop is proof.  It came from HIM. 

I was crying out…I needed help…Some people responded to my cry.  They came & fixed & helped. I appreciated every little thing. 

One thing that was truly a desire of my kids was for our basketball hoop to be lowered. They were doing upward basketball at our church & wanted to be able to practice at home. I recognize that this is a want not a need.  A friend came & helped. It was rusty & nasty.  It needed new bolts & screws. 

So the hoop had to be taken down until we could replace some the bolts & screws.

Off to The Home Depot I went.  I was out of my element.  A kind man helped me. He helped me find what I needed & I headed home. 

The next thing I knew a neighbor was over asking questions & then making an offer…. Would I like to have a Moveable, Adjustable Basketball Hoop??  He had acquired one and was offering it to my kids & me…. FOR FREE. 

WOW…

God then spoke to me….Don’t worry about all these things on your list. I will take care of each & everyone for you….In My timing….In My way. I know the desires of your heart. I care about them. I care about you. I love you. 

Fast forward to another time that a team from my church was here helping me do a few things around my house.  We had a list.  The major things that I needed done were on it.

But before the end of the day I saw the hands of feet of Jesus…HE knows EVERYTHING.  HE knows our hearts.  HE knows what needs to be fixed….

You see, my laundry door had been driving me CRAZY.  It is a bi-fold door and it kept coming of the tract.  As annoying as it was…It was NOT on my list of things to do…But before the end of the day it was fixed…. One of the men, for some reason that I do not know, discovered the issue.  And HE fixed it. 

I was reminded again that JESUS KNOWS.  And HE cares. He does LOVE me. 

I lift my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

“I Never Lost My Praise”

This past Sunday the choir at my church sang “I Never Lost My Praise”.

You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecsa8dlP6Kc&feature=share

I sat in the balcony in awe. I was listening to my testimony…with one exception…

I've lost some good friends along life's way
(My friends have changed over the years, just like the seasons of my life. I grieve for some of them.)

Some loved ones departed in Heaven to stay
(My Hubby, my kid’s Daddy, my mother in law, my kid’s granny, and also many family members & friends, to numerous to list all of them.)

But thank God I didn't lose everything
(I still have my kids, my home, and my finances, to name just a few things.)

I've lost faith in people who said they care
(Some people have let me down… but I have learned that there is only one person to put my trust…my hope...my faith...)

In the time of my crisis they were never there
(At my lowest point of my valley… the only one who was there with me was Jesus.)

But in my disappointment in my season of pain
(In my season of grief.)

One thing never wavered one thing never changed
(“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8)

CHORUS
I never lost my hope
(Hope is what has gotten me through my valley.)

I never lost my joy
(This is the one thing that I have lost…my JOY…Please pray with me that I find it. I have no words to express how much I want… desire… crave… JOY.)

I never lost my faith
(I remember sitting on my Hubby’s bedside telling me…asking me…that no matter what happens…please do not turn my back to God… Keep believing & trusting no matter what. Wish you all could have seen his eyes. His faithful outlook on life is an inspiration to me. I can do nothing but keep my faith…it is what keeps me going)

But most of all I never lost my praise
(I thank God each and every day for all that I am and for all that I have. I want to give HIM all the glory.)

CHOIR
My praise, still here, my praise still----here
(I will never lose this.)

Solo 2
I've let some blessings slip away
(I let some blessing slip through my fingers. I did not grab a hold of them. I did not let some people do what they wanted to do. I did not reach out. I did not ask. I did not appreciate everything & everyone that I should have. I did not show gratitude.)

And I lost my focus and went astray
(To be honest… my focus was on my grief & myself… when it needed to be on Jesus.)

But thank God I didn't lose everything
(again… I still have my kids, my home, and my finances, to name just a few things.)

I've lost possessions that were so dear
(My boat)

And I've lost some battles by walking in fear
(Aren’t we all guilty of this??)

But in the midst of my struggle, in my season of pain
(In my season of grief.)

One thing never wavered, one thing never changed
(I thank God for this…)

CHORUS(CHOIR)
repeat

Praise, praise, praise, praise
Most of all
I never lost my praise
(I pray I never will)

CHORUS
My praise, still here, my praise, still here (2X)
(GOD IS GOOD)

New Chapters

15 years ago TODAY I packed up my car and drove south to Atlanta to live.  I was full of hope & anticipation and looking forward to a beginning a new chapter in my life.  I had no idea what was ahead of me...

10 years ago I stepped into BPBC for the very first time.  A friend invited my Hubby & I to a special July 4th service.  At the time I was pregnant with my first-born. We had been looking a church home and we found one that day...

5 years ago I was living the American dream.  I had a loving hubby, a daughter & a son.  My hubby was a hard workingman who was devoted to our family. We were active members of BPBC.  Life was Good....

Today I sit here a widowed single mom of my 2 kids. A new chapter in my life has started again. Not one that I would have chosen.  But I choose to sit here with the same hope & anticipation that I had 15 years ago.

Why??  Because as I look back over these past 15 years I see God's hands all over my life. I see HIS grace. I see HIS mercy.  I trust HIM.  He is my hope.

If I knew 15 years ago all that would happen as I headed south, would I do it all again, even if I couldn't change anything? 

Yes I would...because I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through everything that I did. 

And my heart is full of gratitude :)

Dates

 Dates on a calendar. Anniversaries. Birthdays. Holidays. Mother’s day. Father’s day.

These are days of celebrations, laughter and good times. 

These are times to honor those who we love.  Remember milestones. Rejoice in all the good things God had done in our lives.

Then something happens. 

An accident.  A diagnosis.  Death. 

Then everything changes. 

These same dates can cause misery. Pain. Tears. Grief.

But we need to remember:  This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24  

Be gentle on yourself.  Don’t push yourself. Take it one moment at a time. One breathe at a time. You can do this.

Remember the good things God has done that have brought you through your circumstances.

Remember the good times. Just because something has changed does not mean your memories have. Memories are a gift that no one can take away from you. Ponder them.

Then make new memories. Move forward. Trust.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“She did what she could.”

These are very powerful words from scripture….

“While he (Jesus) was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.
 Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.
   “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Mark 14:3-9

This woman was worshipping her Lord Jesus Christ.  She was giving HIM her all. She gave HIM what she had.  No more, no less.  And Jesus honored that.  HE did not judge her. HE did not stop her. HE let her do what she could do.  HE defended her. She did what she could.

In my grief I have been paralyzed. 

There were times that I could not worship HIM due to my anger. Due to my anguish. Due to my grief. 

There were times that that I did not have the words to express my gratitude to HIM due to HIS goodness.  Due to HIS arms that were wrapped around me. Due to HIS love.

There were times that I gave to HIM my energy, my devotion, and my money (should I say I gave HIS money back to HIM). 

There were times I could NOT do what I wanted to do. What I needed to do.  Either physically, mentally or spiritually.  I was paralyzed

There were also times that I did things that in hindsight even amaze me.  I gave, I wrote, I shared, I walked, and I worshipped all that I could.  No more, no less. 

I did what I could.  And I am sooo very thankful to HIM for HIS word & all HIS promises.  For they are what give me hope for my future. 

Answered Prayers

My Hubby prayed for both our kid’s salvations. He prayed that they come to know Jesus as their Lord & Savoir. He prayed that He would live in their hearts.  He prayed that they both love Him & follow Him all the days of their lives.  I am sure that he prayed these things long before they were both born. I prayed these prayers along side of him. 

My Hubby led our daughter to Christ. He told her of His ways. He led her to Him.  He prayed with her. She was baptized on Father’s Day.  He was with her every step of the way. He was so proud of her. I’m not sure who was happier, him, her or Jesus.

Just a few months later my Hubby was diagnosed with colon cancer.  His faith was incredible.  He believed he was going to be healed here on earth.  He did not want us to believe any different.  He wanted to be here for our kids & me.  I also know that he wanted to lead our son to Christ.  He wanted that honor & privilege. I wanted him to have that honor & privilege. I wanted him to be with us to be able to lead our family.

But then my Hubby went to heaven. 

He left me asking “Why?”

God then led me to this….

“Things happen for a reason. God is at work in mysterious ways. HE will guide you & protect you as you go along your way. HIS love is always with you. HIS promises are true and when we give HIM all out cares you know HE will see us through. When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.”

…And a peace came over me.  My Lord and Savior was my comfort. I could do ALL things through HIM who gave me strength.  HE was all I needed.  HE carried me. 

…It amazed even me what I could do…

Then the day came that my son started asking questions.  Questions about Jesus.  About Heaven. About his salvation.  I know he would have been asking his Daddy these things if he were still here. But it was me who he turned to in his absence.  I therefore I had the honor & privilege of leading him to Christ. 

…But this is NOT how it was supposed to be…

Then my son started asking about getting baptized.  For selfish reasons I put it off. I knew it would be a hard day. It was supposed to be a very special day that included his Daddy.  He would have organized everything. Just like he did for our daughter.  But instead it had to be me.  And I did not want to.  I wanted my Hubby to be here to do it. 

Then Jesus convicted me of my selfishness. 

I could not stand in the way of my son's first step of obedience. Cause that is what is all about.  I needed to help him take that first step & not stand in his way. 

HE then guided me. Led me. Comforted me. Carried me. Gave me strength.  Just like HE promised. 

I started making the necessary plans.  I talked to family & friends. I sought help where we needed it.

In the process I was humbled by everyone & amazed by HIS love for my family & me. 

Everyone I invited wanted to be here.

Everyone who I asked help from did what I asked. 

Then the day came.  My son was sooo excited.  He truly understood what was going to happen & what it meant. 

Then the moment came.  His face said it all. He was grinning from ear to ear. He was glowing.  Really glowing!

Joy…Happiness…Delight…Praise…Thankfulness…Pure bliss…were just some of the emotions that ran through me.  At the same time, in all honesty, there was also Disappointment…Sadness…Grief. His Daddy should have been with us for this moment. 

But I am sure that his Daddy was singing Hallelujah with all of his heart. His prayer has been answered.  In God’s timing.  In HIS way.

God is Good….

But at the end of the day….being utterly exhausted from all of the excitement of the day…. my son cried out in pure agony “I want my Daddy”. And my heart broke for him as he cried himself to sleep. And I couldn’t help myself & asked “Why couldn’t his Daddy be here with him/us on this very special day ???”

Then I read today…

“Sometimes I get mad because things are not working out the way I think they should. And in those times, I can easily switch from a heart of praise and thankfulness and trust to a heart of disappointment and dismay.   How quickly my cry can shift from adoration to accusation.    ‘Why, Lord why’?   ‘How can you let this happen?’  ‘Where is there any victory in this ugly’?

Precious Jesus – as I walk through this Easter week, forgive me for my doubt.  Forgive me for my lack of trust.  Forgive me for joining the crowd and raising my fist in the air in accusation against the ugliness of life.  I choose to trust you. No matter what.  Thank you for your faithfulness.  That you were willing to die.  For me.   That you have promised to work all things together for good.   Even when things are not working out that way I think they should, you are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  And your kingdom is forever.  I pray you meet each of my sweet sisters right where they are.  And that even in the middle of whatever life is throwing at them right now; they would still see You as King and choose to say ‘Hosanna.”

He is risen!!!”

God IS Good.

And HE does answer our prayers. 

Our ‘Tax Refund’

It was our first spring as a married couple. We were looking forward to many things in our new life together.

One thing we were both passionate about was the water.  We loved being near it, on it, around it.  Therefore we both had a dream of owning a boat.  It was something we talked about when we were just dating. 

That year we were getting a big tax refund.  We decided together to use that money to buy a boat.  We did not want to be in debt for a ‘toy’.  We looked at several boats. We decided on an oldie but a goodie. 

We unofficially named her ‘Tax Refund’.

The first several years we were married, we spent our summer weekends & even some weeknights on the lake just down the road from us. Lots of wonderful memories were made.  Memories of good times, laughter & smiles.  Memories of lots sunshine & occasional thunderstorms.  Of sunsets, rainbows & fireworks.  We shared picnics & sunscreen. We road around in circles towing family & friends on skis, wake boards & innertubes.  We taught friends to water ski. Good times were had by all. 

Then our daughter was born.  She may have slowed us down a bit, but we still spent as much time as we could on our lake.  For the first few years of her life she always fell asleep with the purr of the engine.  Therefore she had many naps on the floor of our boat.  And we would cruise slowly around the shoreline, gazing at houses, dreaming someday we would live on the water. Then, sure enough as soon as we turned the engine off, she would wake up. 

Then our baby boy was born. He loved the water and going for rides on our boat. He could spend all day looking out at the horizon.  He did not want to relax as his sister did.  He didn’t want to miss anything.  It was just too fun and enchanting for him.

We had been trailering our boat for years.  Eventually we were able to put her in the water at a marina.  We were able to go out on the lake on a whim and life was wonderful…

Then my Hubby got a diagnosis.  Colon cancer.  Cancer caused our carefree days on our lake to become even more special.  They became less frequent but more meaningful, cherished & treasured.  Those memories are now priceless. 

Then my Hubby went to heaven. 

He left our ‘Tax Refund’ behind….as well as the rest of his belongings. 

I knew I could not afford to keep our ‘Tax Refund’ at the marina.  I also could not trailer her by myself. Our kids were too little to be of any significant help. 

It was not fair of me to leave her parked in my driveway.  She needed a new captain, a new family to go to.  So after some thought & prayer, I did what I needed to do…

I sent an email to a friend. He responded positively.  I asked for a very reasonable price.  Threw in all our life jackets & toys. And our ‘Tax Refund’ had a new owner, a friend of ours.

This friend had been on our boat many times.  He was a part of our lake memories. He knew my Hubby & his love of our lake.   He knew. 

He & his wife were newly married.  They had talked about getting a boat. I know they wanted a boat.  But he had never taken the plunge to get one.  I had wondered why, but now I know why.  He was meant to get ours.  God knew. 

HE knew that I would find peace in our boat, our ‘Tax Refund’, going to someone that understood.

It was a sad day to me when they picked her up.  It was the end of a chapter of my life, our life. It was the end of my carefree days on the lake with my family.  But it was the beginning of a chapter for my friend & his wife.  I knew the fun that was ahead of them.  I was excited for them.  I remembered my excitement when my Hubby & I first got our ‘Tax Refund’. 

My friends took my kids & I for a ride on her last summer.  They had cleaned her up & given her a face-lift. She looked great. And I could picture my Hubby in heaven smiling down on us that day. It was full of good times, laughter & smiles.   Just like we used to have all together.

It is Well with My Soul

Back in Dec. 2008 I was trying to decide which ladies bible study to take.  There were several to choose from. They all sounded so good. I was hungry for the word. I was eager to learn more.  But not sure which study I should do. 

I narrowed my selection to two different classes.  I asked my Hubby which one he thought I should do. He read over the descriptions and gave me his opinion.  That is the one I choose. 

Then the unthinkable happened…My Hubby was called home to Heaven…. Yes, he had been fighting the battle of colon cancer for the past 18 months…but we believed he would be healed here on earth. 

In the planning of his funeral, several people really helped me.  One of them was a good friend of my Hubby.  He met my Hubby through work.  They started as competitors but later became good friends. Great friends. They ended up working together at the same company. 

He was a Godly man whom I trusted.  Therefore when he offered help & advice during the days after my Hubby went to heaven I listened.  He told me that he felt that God put it on his heart that “It is Well with my Soul” should be sung at my Hubby’s funeral. 

I do not remember hearing the famous hymn before.  But I trusted my Hubby’s friend.  More importantly I trusted God. I knew HE was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me.

So the music minister of our church sang “It is Well with My Soul”.

I really did not give it a second thought.

Then I learned & realized just how much God loves me.  HE truly was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. Actually HE was carrying me.... 

I was in HIS arms…

HIS promises are TRUE…

God is in control…

About a month passes after his funeral and I go to my new Tuesday Morning Bible study class. The one that my Hubby thought I should take…. Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild.

We go through the normal introductions & ice breakers. Then we watch a video & heard Jennifer’s testimony…

“When Jennifer was 15 and beginning her sophomore year of high school, she noticed her eyesight starting to deteriorate rapidly. Though her eyesight had started to weaken in junior high school, she found that this time the loss of sight was unusual. Though she did not want to admit she had a vision problem, she told her mother. Her mother immediately took Jennifer to the ophthalmologist.
The ophthalmologist tried to remedy the problem with a stronger eyeglasses prescription, but it didn't help. He then referred her to Bascom Palmer Eye Institute.
After a few days of testing, the doctors at the institute met with Jennifer and her parents. They told her she had retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease that slowly eats away at the retina of the eye. There is no cure and no way to correct damage already done. A doctor said Jennifer had lost so much sight that her retinas would continue to deteriorate until she was totally blind. At that point, she was legally blind…Her dreams of becoming a commercial artist and cartoonist faded.
After her diagnosis, when she was back at home, Jennifer started to play the piano. Though she had been taking piano lessons for years and practiced diligently every night, she noticed this time it was different. Looking back, she believes God guided her hands to play "It is Well with My Soul" by ear. To Jennifer, the miraculous event wasn't that she could play the song, but that it was actually well with her soul. This is the greatest lesson that God has taught Jennifer in the school of suffering: it doesn't have to be well with your circumstances for it to be well with your soul.” 

My Hubby’s death was NOT well with my circumstances.  He left me as a single widowed mother of our two kids. (ages 5 & 7)  I was heart broken. My dream of living happily ever after with my Hubby was shattered. My life as I knew it was over.  A new normal HAD to emerge.  I no longer had my Hubby to protect me, comfort me & guide me. I could no longer lean on him. He was gone.

But somehow it was “well with my soul”.  I had the peace that surpassed all understanding. God’s arms were wrapped around me.  HE was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. I realized that I could truly lean on HIM. HE was there for me.

In the weeks that followed I learned a lot from this bible study…. 

I realized just how blind my Hubby’s faith was. 

I read Jennifer’s inspiring & encouraging words…

• God is your guide when you walk by faith. HE is good. Life is hard.
• Remember that you know & are known by the sovereign God who is in control of every part of His creation. He sees when a sparrow falls. He knows the thorns that bring you pain. God is able to use evil people & evil acts to accomplish His glory and our Good.
• What at first looks like a complication can actually be an extraordinary blessing in disguise.
• Grateful eyes see God’s glory as well as His grace…I chose to be grateful in what God has allowed.
• Faith is not meant to offer an escape from life’s difficulties; its purpose is to give us strength in the midst of them.
• We can confidently expect God to use our painful circumstances for good. 
• Chose to rejoice in spite of difficulty – suffering strengthens faith, joy showcases God’s power, and mourning ministers to others.
• We must listen to God. He has great plans for us.
• He is my source of hope…. Trust produces hope in difficult times…Place your hope in God; delight in Him, and you will never be disappointed. 
• To experience the life of faith, we must abandon our pride & humbly admit our sorrow, pain & needs.
• Releasing sorrow to God doesn’t lead to weakness; it generates supernatural strength. Crying never washes away our hope; to helps cleanse the eyes of our souls so we can clearly see the source of our hope.
• We all grieve. We miss the glory of God when we walk by sight and seem to only see bitterness or difficulty. Jesus understands our sorrow. Beyond that, He is moved by our sadness & grief, so trust Him with your tears. 
• We must learn to have an eternal perspective. 

 I read bible verses referenced in this study that spoke to me…

• The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nah 1:7
• Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
• Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13 
• The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deut 31:8
• God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matt 5:4
• Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:29-31
• I can do all things through Christ  who strengthens me. Phil 4:13 (I remember repeating this verse over and over many times a day during this stage of my grief.)
• You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
• My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. Psalm 62:5-6

 I wrote in response to questions and bible verses…

• “I can walk by faith with confident stride because”…God is with me   :)
• Obey Christ despite thoughts & feelings
• I know He will look after me. It is well with my soul
• He tells me not to fear - Nothing to fear – And He will provide
• Don’t worry about getting things done. It will get done in God’s timing.
• Seek Him & He will provide.
• Thank You Lord for these trials. You are with me & protecting me – despite circumstances.
• My relationship has grown with Him – I have learned to lean on Him – and He does provide.
• Give Him the Glory   :)   <3
• I’m feeling His comfort
• Put Him first & He will help me. 
• He is the one in control.
• I find rest in God alone – Trust in Him – Praise Him – I will not be shaken. 

In hindsight I was in a fog during this time. I was numb. The reality that my Hubby was gone had not hit yet. I remember thinking during this time that grief is not that hard. This is because I had not started truly grieving yet.  God was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. He was giving me strength. He was laying a foundation. HE was there for me.  I was clinging to my hope and faith in HIM. I am so very thankful for His grace & mercy during this season of my life. 

Buy Panasonic

After praying…Please open my eyes Lord to YOUR goodness.  Help me to see the rainbows & blessings.  Help me to remember ALL the good things YOU have done…I wrote this…

I remember my Hubby coming to me and sharing with me.  He was a bit bewildered.  Surprised.  Panasonic approached him about a position for him.  I really don’t remember the details.  But he asked if I would pray with him.  God…if this is you please open the doors.  If not, please shut them. 

A little while later, after job interviews and much prayer, my Hubby was Panasonic’s new Eastern Regional Sales Manager.   He started in May 2007.

This job entailed less responsibility, less territory, less travel…but more money!

And he was able to work out of our home when he wasn’t traveling. 

WOW!

Must be a God thing I remember thinking…

Fast forward to August 2007…

My Hubby was diagnosed with Colon cancer.  Hospital stays, doctor’s appointments, chemo treatments were in the mix. 

He was told he could use his “vacation” days for his hospital stay.  We were sooo blessed by that we thought.  His paycheck would not be effected by him being unable to work for that period of time. 

But it was…We soon learned Panasonic pays at a different rate for Vacation time.  So the check took a dip.

But God saw us through…

I was taking a ladies bible study at our church during this time.  The ladies felt led to take up a collection for us.  When I shared this with my Hubby he told me that the dollar amount of the gift was almost the same amount as the dip in his paycheck. 

WOW!

This was just the beginning….

HE provided for us. 

Panasonic blew me out of the water with their kindness.

But it was truly God’s grace & mercy. 

And I was sooo very grateful.

Our health insurance covered just about everything.  We had no deductible. I think we had a co-pay for the hospital stays of $100.  Doctors visits (including chemo treatments) only cost us $20 each.  Most prescriptions had a $10 co-pay.  Even our accountant, who is a personal friend, was amazed at how little our medical bills were during this time.

WOW!

During many of my Hubby’s chemo treatments he would actually get some work done. He would have his laptop with him in the chemo room and get stuff done!!! I remember on several occasions he would be texting back & forth with work associates.  Nothing seemed to slow him down at first.

But by Fall/Winter 2008, my Hubby was barely able to work.  He was supposedly working from home.  But I didn’t see him do much. 

But the paychecks continued to be deposited. Nothing was deducted from them.  They were the same as they ever were. 

WOW!

My Hubby did amaze me. I heard him on the phone many times.  Once, while in the hospital he even phoned in on a conference call. He was bound & determined not to give in. He was getting his work done.  He wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I remember him trying to figure out how he could take his IV foods with him on a business trip he needed to take.  His wheels were turning.  They never seemed to stop.

He did NOT want to go out on disability. Nor did Panasonic ask him to.  He just did what he could and worked as much as he could.  Panasonic was fine with that.  No questions asked. 

WOW!

Then the unthinkable happened.  My Hubby went to heaven in Jan 2009. 

I remember speaking with his boss.  He was in shock.  Disbelief!  Last time he spoke with him, my Hubby had told him that he would call him on Monday and start to work on some special project that they had already discussed.  My Hubby was feeling better at that time and obviously hopeful.

His boss came to visit with me.  Spent time with me at my house.  Others from Panasonic came to the visitation & funeral.  I got phone calls from HR.  They held my hand in everything that needed to be done.  Nothing was rushed.  It was all done slowly but surely.  No demands were made.  They were understanding and sympathetic. 

WOW!

I got a notice in the mail from Panasonic. It was about Cobra. Panasonic was going to pay for 6 months of Cobra for me & my kids.  6 Months!  I did not need to even think about health care coverage for 6 months. 

WOW!

I was paying some bills. I had not received any life insurance yet.  Everything was still in the works. It all takes time.  I’m wondering how I am going to make all my ends meet.  The door bell rings.  It's an envelope that I need to sign for.  It's from Panasonic.  It’s a commission check for My Hubby. 

WOW! 

The doorbell rang again for the next couple of months.  Panasonic paid all the commissions that were due to my Hubby.  No questions asked.  (All commissioned salesmen know that it takes a while for money to pass through the pipeline and end in the salesman's pocket.) 

WOW!

My Hubby had a life insurance policy through Panasonic. I was told it was for twice his annual income.  I knew this. My Hubby & I had talked about this.  Then I got the check.  It was for more than I had anticipated.  I phoned Panasonic.  I had to question them about it.  It had to be wrong.   But it wasn’t.  Panasonic took into consideration his full payment package, with all his benefits and everything.  It was right & it blew me out of the water.

WOW!

God is sooo very good. 

If my Hubby had not taken that job with Panasonic, he would have still been with Viscom.  A small German company. I don’t even want to think about what could have been.  I am very thankful to God for opening that door. 

God blessed us immeasurably through Panasonic. And I am not just talking about financial blessings.  I’m talking about their understanding, their sympathy, their kindness & their grace that evidenced by their actions & decisions.  To say I am thankful is an understatement.

Some would say that many of the above things were coincidences. Kind people. Just luck.  Company policies.

I think otherwise. 

It was God.

It was HIS grace & mercy.

HE was providing for us.

I am eternally grateful.

God is Good.

And so is Panasonic.

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and abounding in mercy and loving-kindness. The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works. Psalm 145:8-9