It is Well with My Soul

Back in Dec. 2008 I was trying to decide which ladies bible study to take.  There were several to choose from. They all sounded so good. I was hungry for the word. I was eager to learn more.  But not sure which study I should do. 

I narrowed my selection to two different classes.  I asked my Hubby which one he thought I should do. He read over the descriptions and gave me his opinion.  That is the one I choose. 

Then the unthinkable happened…My Hubby was called home to Heaven…. Yes, he had been fighting the battle of colon cancer for the past 18 months…but we believed he would be healed here on earth. 

In the planning of his funeral, several people really helped me.  One of them was a good friend of my Hubby.  He met my Hubby through work.  They started as competitors but later became good friends. Great friends. They ended up working together at the same company. 

He was a Godly man whom I trusted.  Therefore when he offered help & advice during the days after my Hubby went to heaven I listened.  He told me that he felt that God put it on his heart that “It is Well with my Soul” should be sung at my Hubby’s funeral. 

I do not remember hearing the famous hymn before.  But I trusted my Hubby’s friend.  More importantly I trusted God. I knew HE was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me.

So the music minister of our church sang “It is Well with My Soul”.

I really did not give it a second thought.

Then I learned & realized just how much God loves me.  HE truly was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. Actually HE was carrying me.... 

I was in HIS arms…

HIS promises are TRUE…

God is in control…

About a month passes after his funeral and I go to my new Tuesday Morning Bible study class. The one that my Hubby thought I should take…. Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild.

We go through the normal introductions & ice breakers. Then we watch a video & heard Jennifer’s testimony…

“When Jennifer was 15 and beginning her sophomore year of high school, she noticed her eyesight starting to deteriorate rapidly. Though her eyesight had started to weaken in junior high school, she found that this time the loss of sight was unusual. Though she did not want to admit she had a vision problem, she told her mother. Her mother immediately took Jennifer to the ophthalmologist.
The ophthalmologist tried to remedy the problem with a stronger eyeglasses prescription, but it didn't help. He then referred her to Bascom Palmer Eye Institute.
After a few days of testing, the doctors at the institute met with Jennifer and her parents. They told her she had retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease that slowly eats away at the retina of the eye. There is no cure and no way to correct damage already done. A doctor said Jennifer had lost so much sight that her retinas would continue to deteriorate until she was totally blind. At that point, she was legally blind…Her dreams of becoming a commercial artist and cartoonist faded.
After her diagnosis, when she was back at home, Jennifer started to play the piano. Though she had been taking piano lessons for years and practiced diligently every night, she noticed this time it was different. Looking back, she believes God guided her hands to play "It is Well with My Soul" by ear. To Jennifer, the miraculous event wasn't that she could play the song, but that it was actually well with her soul. This is the greatest lesson that God has taught Jennifer in the school of suffering: it doesn't have to be well with your circumstances for it to be well with your soul.” 

My Hubby’s death was NOT well with my circumstances.  He left me as a single widowed mother of our two kids. (ages 5 & 7)  I was heart broken. My dream of living happily ever after with my Hubby was shattered. My life as I knew it was over.  A new normal HAD to emerge.  I no longer had my Hubby to protect me, comfort me & guide me. I could no longer lean on him. He was gone.

But somehow it was “well with my soul”.  I had the peace that surpassed all understanding. God’s arms were wrapped around me.  HE was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. I realized that I could truly lean on HIM. HE was there for me.

In the weeks that followed I learned a lot from this bible study…. 

I realized just how blind my Hubby’s faith was. 

I read Jennifer’s inspiring & encouraging words…

• God is your guide when you walk by faith. HE is good. Life is hard.
• Remember that you know & are known by the sovereign God who is in control of every part of His creation. He sees when a sparrow falls. He knows the thorns that bring you pain. God is able to use evil people & evil acts to accomplish His glory and our Good.
• What at first looks like a complication can actually be an extraordinary blessing in disguise.
• Grateful eyes see God’s glory as well as His grace…I chose to be grateful in what God has allowed.
• Faith is not meant to offer an escape from life’s difficulties; its purpose is to give us strength in the midst of them.
• We can confidently expect God to use our painful circumstances for good. 
• Chose to rejoice in spite of difficulty – suffering strengthens faith, joy showcases God’s power, and mourning ministers to others.
• We must listen to God. He has great plans for us.
• He is my source of hope…. Trust produces hope in difficult times…Place your hope in God; delight in Him, and you will never be disappointed. 
• To experience the life of faith, we must abandon our pride & humbly admit our sorrow, pain & needs.
• Releasing sorrow to God doesn’t lead to weakness; it generates supernatural strength. Crying never washes away our hope; to helps cleanse the eyes of our souls so we can clearly see the source of our hope.
• We all grieve. We miss the glory of God when we walk by sight and seem to only see bitterness or difficulty. Jesus understands our sorrow. Beyond that, He is moved by our sadness & grief, so trust Him with your tears. 
• We must learn to have an eternal perspective. 

 I read bible verses referenced in this study that spoke to me…

• The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nah 1:7
• Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
• Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13 
• The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deut 31:8
• God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matt 5:4
• Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:29-31
• I can do all things through Christ  who strengthens me. Phil 4:13 (I remember repeating this verse over and over many times a day during this stage of my grief.)
• You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
• My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. Psalm 62:5-6

 I wrote in response to questions and bible verses…

• “I can walk by faith with confident stride because”…God is with me   :)
• Obey Christ despite thoughts & feelings
• I know He will look after me. It is well with my soul
• He tells me not to fear - Nothing to fear – And He will provide
• Don’t worry about getting things done. It will get done in God’s timing.
• Seek Him & He will provide.
• Thank You Lord for these trials. You are with me & protecting me – despite circumstances.
• My relationship has grown with Him – I have learned to lean on Him – and He does provide.
• Give Him the Glory   :)   <3
• I’m feeling His comfort
• Put Him first & He will help me. 
• He is the one in control.
• I find rest in God alone – Trust in Him – Praise Him – I will not be shaken. 

In hindsight I was in a fog during this time. I was numb. The reality that my Hubby was gone had not hit yet. I remember thinking during this time that grief is not that hard. This is because I had not started truly grieving yet.  God was protecting me, comforting me and guiding me. He was giving me strength. He was laying a foundation. HE was there for me.  I was clinging to my hope and faith in HIM. I am so very thankful for His grace & mercy during this season of my life.